Tennessee, August 2010

For many years, Nate and I had talked about wanting to visit Dollywood, as it sounded like a neat park and was the only major park in Tennessee that I had not yet managed to visit. By a stroke of luck, Nate was informed that he was to attend a conference in Oak Ridge, which is just a hop, skip, and a jump away from Pigeon Forge. He was told this a mere week beforehand, so we hurriedly made plans to head on out.

Nate arrived a few days ahead of me, as he had the week-long conference, and I still had to work. I flew into Knoxville late Thursday night, and Nate picked me up at the airport, which was clean and airy and had a cooling water feature running the length of the hallway. I hadn’t eaten at all, so we decided to see what we could find en route to Oak Ridge. That’s when we spotted it: a Krystal. I’d seen these before, and they looked just like White Castles, but neither of us had actually been to the knockoff. We went in and perused the menu. Nate wound up getting the chicken sandwiches, and I had the cheeseburgers. Oh my goodness, it was JUST like White Castle (except they listen when you say no onion and actually give you the pickles and sauce instead of thinking “no onion” means plain). Plus, the restaurant was very clean, and southern hospitality was pleasantly evident in the friendly employees. Now, you have to really be in the mood for White Castle (or Krystal, for that matter), and it is a bit of an acquired taste, so Nate wasn’t happy with any of it (though later on he said the chicken sandwiches weren’t bad). Still, I’m glad we had the experience, although next time I’d stick with my White Castle rule and opt for no cheese. Bleh.

After our quick dinner, we headed back to Oak Ridge and settled into our hotel, which was pretty nice. The next morning, Nate had to go back to the conference, so I just relaxed back in the room, playing on the internet. I thought about venturing out and exploring, but it was kind of nice to just stay in a bit. Nate got back a little before noon, and we packed up and hit the road eastward.

Our first stop was the city of Knoxville, due to a brew pub rumored to be located there. What a neat city! It had a lot of yesteryear charm, and it felt very welcoming, probably thanks in part to the high density of police scouring downtown. We made our way to the Downtown Grill and Brewery, where we dined on sandwiches and Nate had his beer sampler. It was about average, as these places go. We also joked about a table full of people wearing neon green shirts, declaring they were Knoxville’s version of the Red Hat Ladies. Afterward, we wandered around downtown briefly before getting the car and heading out to Pigeon Forge.

We pulled off I-40 in the town of Sevierville, hometown of Dolly Parton, and county seat of Sevier County, a place from which I used to catalog insects while as an undergrad. We continued on to Pigeon Forge, a resort town extraordinaire, much like Wisconsin Dells or Myrtle Beach. The main strip was adorned with kitschy tourist traps like a life-sized Titanic museum, many dinner theaters, miniature golf, go-karts, and more pancake restaurants than I’d ever seen in a single place. We considered visiting the Titanic museum, but it was a bit pricey. We still had some time to kill before making our way over to Dollywood (they have a special in which you can arrive after 2pm and get in free the next day, so we were waiting on that). We decided to check out the Zorb attraction. Zorb is essentially a giant hamster ball in which a person can ride while being pushed down a rather steep hill. This is the only permanent location in the United States, and I was super intrigued. The hill didn’t seem all that long, but it was more impressive than the portable versions I’d seen elsewhere. They had four different courses, some zigzagging, some you can ride with multiple people, and some they toss water in with you. It was pricey, too, so we decided to hold off. Instead we drove off into Gatlinburg, the neighboring resort town at the edge of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. We tooled around, admiring all the kitsch, and keeping in mind what we’d like to do next. What caught our eye most was Hillbilly Golf, a small establishment crammed against a mountainside, with a tiny little parking lot and no real greens to be seen. Then we saw why. There was an elevated tram that traveled right up the steep and wooded cliff, at the top of which were two snaking miniature golf courses. Of course this was so unique we HAD to try it. So we took our seat in the tram and slowly ascended the mountain. At the top, we decided to do the course on the right (as you look up) and had a great time playing our way back down. Maybe next time we’re out there we can do the other course. By the time we finished, it was time to get over to Dollywood.

Dollywood is located well off the main drag of Pigeon Forge. I thought for sure I’d be able to see the rides from somewhere, but the park is hidden from view, even from its own parking lot! We parked and missed the tram, so we high-tailed it over to the gate by foot. We got our tickets and found ourselves surrounded by the wonder that is Dollywood. Beyond the gate are a number of shops and theaters. Butterflies, Dolly’s favorite symbol of freedom and beauty, adorned many buildings and signs. We decided to start to our right and found our way over to Dolly’s tour bus. After a moderate wait, we were allowed inside to admire her home away from home (that is, until she purchased her new bus), including a luxurious bath area, a lovely bedroom, a well-equipped kitchen, and some scary looking triple bunk beds for the bus drivers and her best friend who often goes along for the ride.

From there, we continued through Jukebox Junction which was modeled after a 1950s era town. We rode the motor cars, and then headed over to ride the log flume, which was fun and pretty wet. Then we headed over to the train: The Dollywood Express. This was easily our longest wait of the day, but at least we were able to sit on board while we waited. The coal-fired steam engine took us 5 miles into the Great Smokies on a pleasant ride that would have been even more pleasant were it not for the cinders that I kept getting in my eyes. Yeesh!

After this, we headed over to the Country Fair section where we got our first coaster credit of the trip: The Veggie Tales Sideshow Spin. It was the typical kiddie coaster, but one that Nate actually rode as well. Nothing too spectacular, it still is fun to show we have no shame when it comes to coaster credits (or at least, I don’t). Time was running out on us at this point, so we took a few quick spins on the Sky Rider, the Disk-O, the Ferris wheel, and the carousel. Then we hurried out of the park, anticipating what the next day would have to offer.

It was pretty early, so we checked into our hotel which provided us with vouchers for a free go-kart spin, free pancake breakfast, and free tubing down the river that ran behind our building (which we wanted to do but didn’t have enough time for). Then we decided to head back into Gatlinburg to try out the next brew pub on the list: The Smoky Mountain Brewery and Restaurant. We were seated in a little nook under the sloping ceilings of the second floor, in a building that felt very rustic and cabin-esque. We enjoyed pizza and beer and good service. It was a nice way to wind down from our hectic day.

Once we finished eating, the night was still young, and the town was still hopping. We headed over to an indoor mini-golf place right near our parking lot. It was circus-themed, and on top of that, it was also incredibly trippy when viewed with 3-D glasses. Talk about making it hard to get around! It was a real trip, and definitely another mini golf course I would highly recommend. Then we wandered around town a bit more, partaking in some moonshine samples, which were really strong, although the apple-flavored one was quite pleasant, and debating whether to do the haunted house (a bit pricey, so no) and getting ice cream. Nate, of course, had no problem with his ice cream. Mine, however, turned into a sticky waterfall the second we walked out the door. I was a tacky, slimy mess, and it was quite a spectacle to watch me try to eat what was left of the thing. There was a nice puddle of mapley goodness that marked my dairy debacle. After all this, we decided it was probably time to get back and get some rest before tomorrow’s adventures.

As usual, we had a busy day ahead of us, so we got up early and headed over to the Smoky Mountain Pancake House for our complimentary breakfast. Neither of us are big breakfast eaters, and I’m not a fan of pancakes, but they were decent. Way too much food, though. From there, we headed back to Dollywood, paying another $8 to park, but it was well worth it, not having to pay the hefty admission price again. This time, Nate and I swung left, heading toward the thrilling part of the park.

First up was Thunderhead, the incredible, powerful, airtime-ridden wooden coaster. It was such a solid, wonderful ride that we re-rode it at least 4 times throughout the day. Easily a top ten wooden roller coaster. Next we did the Lumberjack Lifts, a manual drop ride of sorts on which you pull yourself up a tower on pulleys and then let yourself drop easily toward the ground. It was my compromise for not riding the (thankfully not running anyway) drop ride. Yeah, I’m chicken. So what? I’ll ride any roller coaster you give me.

Next, we did the Mystery Mine, a really neat and intensely compact roller coaster that features two 95 degree drops. It was so much fun that I had to re-ride it about 5 times, too. I really couldn’t say which of the two big coasters I liked best, but it was definitely up there.

As we continued our way around the park, we came across what would become Nate’s favorite ride in the park: The River Battle. It’s a gentle tracked boat ride on which riders face back to back and control their own water cannons. During the ride, you can blast other boats or bystanders. People on land also have the option of operating cannons to blast you. There is no way you’re coming off that ride anything less than drenched. We re-rode this one many times throughout the day, too. And Nate came back to it even more, as I went to re-ride Mystery Mine.

Next up was Dolly’s newest attraction: Adventure Mountain. This is touted as the largest high ropes course in existence, and it’s a wonder it isn’t an upcharge attraction. They harness you in, and set you free to explore three separate high ropes courses. Between each platform, you have three different options of advancing along the course (not to mention the stairs). Now, I’d done a high ropes course before, in actual trees, and I know you’re in no real danger, but the acrophobic in me takes a lot of convincing. I’ll admit, I did opt for the stairs in a lot of instances, but when we got to course 3, I decided I was going to advance the real way between every platform. It even had a particularly scary element on which you have to scoot around the outside of the structure, clinging to a mountainside. Nate didn’t do that one, but I promised myself, and I was so happy I did it. Talk about an adrenaline rush! The only thing it was really missing was the zip line at the end.

We continued on, riding the Tennessee Tornado, a large Arrow looper, twice including once in the front. It wasn’t rough, but it started giving me quite a headache, so I had to stop. Then we did Blazing Fury, the indoor splashdown coaster/dark ride. From there, we rode the flume, the indoor simulator adventure (Smoky Mountain Wilderness Adventure Tour), and then backtracked to re-ride all the things we enjoyed. I’m so glad we had two days to explore the park because, even though the crowds were light, there was just so much to take in. Dollywood is a definite must-see to anyone going through Pigeon Forge, country music fan or not.

Once we’d had our fill of rides, we knew time was a-wasting, so after a quick stop at Hardee’s (for some Midwestern nostalgia, despite Carl’s Jr. being the same thing) we headed out to the Great Smoky Mountains themselves. I had always wanted to visit because it is the salamander capital of the world, and being an amphibian researcher, how could I not? We made our way around the park, stopping at “quiet walkways” and more major trails. We decided to head over to Cades Cove on the western side of the park, winding along the foggy road and sitting out a rain storm, while taking a much-needed nap. After continuing on, we wound up behind the slowest people ever, and being a single lane, we couldn’t do anything about it. It did work in our favor when we came across a meadow with a family of bears. I took some pictures, but they didn’t come out great…but at least I saw them! That was exciting and well worth it. Because of the people going 5 in a 20, we weren’t able to make it to the gift shop to get the patch I wanted, and we arrived at our trail at the onset of dusk. Undeterred, we decided to hike out to Abrams Falls, a 4.2 mile trek. Wanting to make up for lost time, and not wanting to be stuck in the woods after dark, I hauled it, running more than half the way on any bits of trail that were free of rocks or roots. I could have probably run the entire thing, I felt that fit! Ah, the wonders of visiting places that are lower in elevation than your home. It took us about an hour to get there, and we basically saw the falls (they weren’t THAT spectacular, but they were pretty), took some pictures, and hauled it back out of there. I was in such a hurry to get back that I didn’t really pay attention to much else. Nate, however, spotted something in the hastily diminishing light. He called me back, and there, on the trail, was a tiny lungless salamander! I have no idea how he spotted it. It was so dark that I couldn’t make out any details, so I took a flash photograph to study later. (I still haven’t identified it, but at least I know it’s a Plethodontid!).

We got back to the car with just a hint of light left in the sky, and hurriedly drove back to Pigeon Forge. Not wanting to miss out on any kitsch, we stopped to check out the Jurassic Jungle Boat Ride which featured some freaky mannequins and a mixture of really cool and really cheesy dinosaurs. It was overpriced, but it was worth seeing once. I think, as a kid, the spitting snake that comes out of a hole in the wall above you at the very end would have freaked the heck out of me. It was a good time.

Sunday morning, we still had a lot of exploring to do, so we hit the road early again. We headed back to the Smokies and took the main road from Sugarlands Visitor Center to Oconaluftee Visitor Center on the North Carolina side of the park. One really nice thing about the Smokies is that it’s one of the few national parks that doesn’t charge to visit, not that it mattered to us, as we’re pass holders, but still. We admired the fog and mist, the reason for the name bestowed upon these mountains. It was so lush and wonderful! We stopped at more trails and sites along our way, including the overlook at the state line and the watchtower at Clingmans Dome, the highest point along the Appalachian Trail (which is another adventure we’d love to try one day). Our last hike, which took us out to another waterfall, afforded us the opportunity to see an Ambystomatid salamander, which we might not have noticed if a bunch of kids weren’t harassing them. We stuck around ‘til they left and made sure the critters were ok, and we got a nice picture of the salamander. Next time, I’d love to stay longer and really focus on finding salamanders. What an amazingly biodiverse location!

At this point, time was quickly slipping away, and we needed to get to the airport. We took a quick spin on the spiraling wooden go-kart track, thanks to the voucher from our hotel. Then, on our way out of town in Sevierville, we made one last stop at the NASCAR SpeedPark, home of our final coaster credit: The Speedway Draft. It was another kiddie coaster, and I felt somewhat silly riding it, but it’s another credit down! From there, we hit the road and made it back to the airport in plenty of time for our flight. It was another great trip, and I really look forward to visiting the region again sometime!