So today was the eye procedure...I had a hard time falling asleep last night, due to nerves, but upon waking up this morning, I felt an overwhelming sense of calm. Such positivity - it was weird, considering Chicago alone breeds negativity. Lol. I vowed to keep hold of that feeling and pretty much succeded. I was only nervous once I actually got to the doctor's and was in the waiting room - my guts wanted to be outside, or so it felt. Hehe. Once called in, however, it was great! I LOVE the nurses there - they are so patient and nice, and we would joke. I had a ton of questions, which were mostly to break the ice, like (one they'd never heard before), "What happens if there's an earthquake?" Lol. It helped that I was the first person there for much of it, but when another lady showed up, we eased the tension by talking about cicadas and eating bugs...hehe. When they "dropped" my eyes, they didn't hold my lids open, which I'm always grateful for. Eventually (after they gave me two full valliums - more than my first time...I really didn't think I needed it, but when I (semi-jokingly) asked for it, they didn't hesitate in giving me another one), they brought me into the surgery room. I love how you lay down, because your head is supported and you can't pull away. Though I was cringing, it all went smoothly. I was prepared to "bring" myself somewhere else during the procedure, but I decided to just pay attention to everything and experience it all again, from the cold speculum wrenching my eyelids open to the digging around in my eye and pulling up of the flap, to the laser (the easiest part), to them smoothing my flap back down...you don't feel a thing, and once the flap is up, everything is uber blurry. But it was kinda cool and VERY easy - almost easier than my last eye check up. Go fig! And it only took about 15 seconds!
On my way home, I mostly kept my eyes shut. It feels weird, but not too bad. They gave me a prescription for pain meds, and I was all, "I won't need that!" LOL! Well, the vallium knocked me out, and I came home and crashed until noon, and when I woke up YEEEOW! I think a lot of it was lack of dropping my eyes every hour like they want you to (when you're awake), but I was in agony. My mom went and picked up the meds, and now I feel mostly ok, though there are occasional bouts of stinging. Hopefully it's true that 90% of the healing takes place in the first 24 hours...
So I just looked outside a few minutes ago for the first real time, and WOW. I can see details I haven't seen in ages!! It's weird that my RIGHT eye is worse than my left now, but overall I can see a lot better. The real test will be at night, though. I'm wondering if I could get my right eye re-touched again one day, but we'll see if and when I'd ever want to do that. Right now, I'm just thrilled my left eye is doing so great. My next check up is tomorrow morning - I'm sure it'll be good.
So that's life up 'til now. I survived my THIRD Lasik procedure. If squeemish ol' me can do it, ANYONE can. I promise!
Friday, April 25, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Worries and Rants
I am a worrier. Anyone who knows me probably knows this. I have deep concern for those whom I care about, though I usually have little concern for myself. So that means I go about feeding my need for worry. My current favorite source of worry is a conspiracy theory message board. I LOVES ME THE CONSPIRACIES!! Seriously, if you look into a lot of them, they make some valid points. The date December 12, 2012 keeps cropping up, and a lot of people wonder if this will be a great turning point in humanity. Seeing the sheeple around me, things better ramp up a notch if that's ever going to happen. Earth changes, famine, Planet X, and merely Bush's last few months in office are enough to scare the bejeezuz out of anyone. Perhaps its some sort of complex, but I've always been convinced I'm destined for something important. Part of me hopes the crap hits the fan so I can finally take on my leadership role and save the planet. That is, if I can survive the tribulations leading up to that. It sounds like the powers that be are getting prepared for something...why should they be the ones to survive this mess?? If anything, the good people of society should be the ones rebuilding, not the callous kooks who care little about the rest of us. So yeah, I've been obsessing over this website for a while, and it is fascinating...but I feel all I think about is doom anymore. I often wonder if anything I'm doing really has much point.
So if you're reading this, take it as a warning...something BIG is coming. I don't know what, but be prepared. You may think I'm crazy to think about these things, but I think YOU'RE crazy if you're not opening your eyes and seeing what's really going on that the powers that be DON'T want you to see, or assume you're too blind to notice (which is the case for many).
One good side effect of all my doom worry is this: I'm having Lasik tomorrow for the THIRD (and final) time. Usually I'd be freaking out about it by now, and while it's in the back of my mind, it's not bothering me nearly as much as the rest of the stuff going on. Hopefully I can focus on some of this other stuff for the, what, 45 seconds of the procedure, and not think about what's happening. My fingers are crossed.
Since my flight home, I've also been reading "The Legacy of Luna," about the woman who lived in a redwood for 2 years. It's making me yearn to make a difference again and do to something important with my life. Real estate is NOT important. Not in the long run. I need to find something I truly stand for and make a difference. Maybe a political activist group for truth? Or, of course, some sort of environmental movement, but it's hard to pick just one. It's something to ponder...
In other news, Phoenix has experienced another bout of those mysterious "lights." I was watching an interview in which the reporter asked the video taper if he thought it was a "UFO." The guy hemmed and hawed, and I just wanted to be like, "You morons!! Of COURSE it was a UFO. Think about it. It is an object. It is flying. And YOU can't identify it...so what does that mean?? It's a UFO!! If it were an alien spacecraft and you could identify it as such, it would no longer be a UFO, by mere definition of the word." Semantics, people!! If you want to know if they thought it was aliens, ask them that, sheesh!! UFOs exist. I don't know what they are, but they're unidentified, flying, and objects. You cannot deny it.
And now they're so quick to downplay the existence of these lights when some "dude" brags he was lighting lanterns in the air. Umm, ok, so why were they higher and brighter than high-flying aircraft, and how could the entire city see them?? No, the great mass media is content with any excuse of an answer they can find. Puh-lease. There is a lot of weird crap out there, and people with no evidence downplay it because it threatens the accepted image of "reality." WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!!
Ahem, so yeah, I'm stressed, pissed, and needing change. This world is going to pot, and fast...if these are aliens, I sometimes wish they'd just take me with 'em (as long as my loved ones could come along, too, of course). AURGH!!!!!!
So if you're reading this, take it as a warning...something BIG is coming. I don't know what, but be prepared. You may think I'm crazy to think about these things, but I think YOU'RE crazy if you're not opening your eyes and seeing what's really going on that the powers that be DON'T want you to see, or assume you're too blind to notice (which is the case for many).
One good side effect of all my doom worry is this: I'm having Lasik tomorrow for the THIRD (and final) time. Usually I'd be freaking out about it by now, and while it's in the back of my mind, it's not bothering me nearly as much as the rest of the stuff going on. Hopefully I can focus on some of this other stuff for the, what, 45 seconds of the procedure, and not think about what's happening. My fingers are crossed.
Since my flight home, I've also been reading "The Legacy of Luna," about the woman who lived in a redwood for 2 years. It's making me yearn to make a difference again and do to something important with my life. Real estate is NOT important. Not in the long run. I need to find something I truly stand for and make a difference. Maybe a political activist group for truth? Or, of course, some sort of environmental movement, but it's hard to pick just one. It's something to ponder...
In other news, Phoenix has experienced another bout of those mysterious "lights." I was watching an interview in which the reporter asked the video taper if he thought it was a "UFO." The guy hemmed and hawed, and I just wanted to be like, "You morons!! Of COURSE it was a UFO. Think about it. It is an object. It is flying. And YOU can't identify it...so what does that mean?? It's a UFO!! If it were an alien spacecraft and you could identify it as such, it would no longer be a UFO, by mere definition of the word." Semantics, people!! If you want to know if they thought it was aliens, ask them that, sheesh!! UFOs exist. I don't know what they are, but they're unidentified, flying, and objects. You cannot deny it.
And now they're so quick to downplay the existence of these lights when some "dude" brags he was lighting lanterns in the air. Umm, ok, so why were they higher and brighter than high-flying aircraft, and how could the entire city see them?? No, the great mass media is content with any excuse of an answer they can find. Puh-lease. There is a lot of weird crap out there, and people with no evidence downplay it because it threatens the accepted image of "reality." WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!!
Ahem, so yeah, I'm stressed, pissed, and needing change. This world is going to pot, and fast...if these are aliens, I sometimes wish they'd just take me with 'em (as long as my loved ones could come along, too, of course). AURGH!!!!!!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Out of the Comfort Zone
So today was my first mall shift duty for CB Legacy. Yes, we sell houses at the mall! For real! I manned my kiosk as professionally as I could, making eye contact with passers-by. Never having worked in retail or at the mall before, I didn't know what to expect, and I rather dreaded it. All was well and good until one person actually came up to me with questions about mortgages and the market. I answered the market questions, but I did so quite fumblingly and obviously nervous - I probably didn't sound like I had a clue, though I'm sure I knew what I was talking about. I didn't know the answer to the mortgage question, though I probably should have, but I directed him to Legacy Mortgage for answers. I am certain I turned dark red or light purple and I could feel a bead of sweat forming on my brow, which I hope he didn't see. This is way out of my comfort zone, and I don't know how it's going to work. In fact, sales is out of my comfort zone, and I just hope I can eke out a living at it this year.
On my way home, everything came to a head...emotions ran like the rain hitting my windshield. I've had a lot of negative feelings lately which seem to override the good ones you get from those affirmations. It was awful, and I wound up going home and just breaking down. It lasted for a good half hour, but after I got it all out of my system, I feel a lot better. I can't really pinpoint one thing that set me off, but it was a number of things including lack of success at what I'm doing, anger at past "friends" who obviously aren't worth a damn yet they drive me crazy anyway, anger at my whole "past," frustration with upcoming events in the next four or so years, and who really knows what else. I thought that moving out of state would release me from a lot of this, but I find that things linger. Hopefully I can work it out...
On my way home, everything came to a head...emotions ran like the rain hitting my windshield. I've had a lot of negative feelings lately which seem to override the good ones you get from those affirmations. It was awful, and I wound up going home and just breaking down. It lasted for a good half hour, but after I got it all out of my system, I feel a lot better. I can't really pinpoint one thing that set me off, but it was a number of things including lack of success at what I'm doing, anger at past "friends" who obviously aren't worth a damn yet they drive me crazy anyway, anger at my whole "past," frustration with upcoming events in the next four or so years, and who really knows what else. I thought that moving out of state would release me from a lot of this, but I find that things linger. Hopefully I can work it out...
Friday, April 4, 2008
I am SO Incredible!
I have just had one of the best days in a long time. Today, we had our dreaded "affirmations" class at the training center. I had heard from a girl whose mother had taken the program that this was the class during which Peter, our boisterous CEO, makes people cry. Many people in our class wanted to skip it, but none of us knew just when it was coming. Part of me was leery, but part of me said "Bring it on!"
Class started with Peter going on about how we need to convince ourselves about our good qualities before we could be successful, and in doing so, we need to address what we consider our shortcomings. Halfway through the class, he wanted us to, on a completely volunteer level, tell the class what was holding us back and why. What came out were stories ranging from "I'm young and nobody takes me seriously" to full out abuse. Two women in our class were brought to tears, and I think a lot of us who heard their stories were close to crying for them, too. Peter, who is often intimidating, though someone I think I would enjoy as a sarcastic, challenging friend, changed his role so amazingly - he was practically a therapist, and so understanding and kind. It wasn't at all what I had expected from "the class that makes you cry." I could see just how important it was to get it all out that I vowed I would go (despite the fact that, earlier in class, when he asked me an obscure question, I slunk down and pretended to be shier than I really am so I wouldn't have to answer it).
So here's my history with Peter - from day one, he thought I was this shy little thing, and it's been my goal to prove him wrong. I think he's rather fascinated by my outgoing spurts, and it's a fact that when I have something to say, he stops everything so I can do so. It's really quite cool! I've given the class a schpiel on my Masters research, I've presented a purchase agreement flawlessly, and now I opened up in front of the class.
In all honesty, it wasn't very hard. I've formed strong relationships with most everyone in the room, and I feel incredibly comfortable with them. So after all their stories, I felt, though mine wasn't quite as heart wrenching as some, I shouldn't have a problem opening up.
I was the last person to go that day, and Peter seemed really eager to hear what I had to say. I spoke quickly because we only had a few minutes to go, and I was as outgoing as he'd ever seen me. I told the class about my weird childhood, having no friends, although a supportive family, and how, because of that, I had a slew of issues including the need to be liked by everyone (I liken myself to a golden retriever running around to be pet...haha), fear of silences, and especially fear of sounding stupid or saying something offensive because I don't like silences and blurt out whatever comes to mind. He had me write down five qualities (six with another one that my classmate Patsy added) that were positive, and pointed out how none of those would be a reason to not be likable, and the WHOLE class chimed in with how likable I am (and Patsy even said my personality is something she would look for in a best friend!), and I was left with such an overwhelming feeling of support and acceptance that just made me float out of there. It was like hypnosis all over again. I could use these affirmations every day - I would be unbeatable. And they're absolutely right...I have an awesome personality (once I let the real me out) with many attributes including my six: Intelligence, compassion, empathy, loyalty, and competence (which I sometimes question, but I'm sure is true). I felt so good after I left, and I know I can just take on the world!
So speaking of taking on the world, I have a $2.5 million dollar house I'm going to go preview now! Have a great weekend!!
Class started with Peter going on about how we need to convince ourselves about our good qualities before we could be successful, and in doing so, we need to address what we consider our shortcomings. Halfway through the class, he wanted us to, on a completely volunteer level, tell the class what was holding us back and why. What came out were stories ranging from "I'm young and nobody takes me seriously" to full out abuse. Two women in our class were brought to tears, and I think a lot of us who heard their stories were close to crying for them, too. Peter, who is often intimidating, though someone I think I would enjoy as a sarcastic, challenging friend, changed his role so amazingly - he was practically a therapist, and so understanding and kind. It wasn't at all what I had expected from "the class that makes you cry." I could see just how important it was to get it all out that I vowed I would go (despite the fact that, earlier in class, when he asked me an obscure question, I slunk down and pretended to be shier than I really am so I wouldn't have to answer it).
So here's my history with Peter - from day one, he thought I was this shy little thing, and it's been my goal to prove him wrong. I think he's rather fascinated by my outgoing spurts, and it's a fact that when I have something to say, he stops everything so I can do so. It's really quite cool! I've given the class a schpiel on my Masters research, I've presented a purchase agreement flawlessly, and now I opened up in front of the class.
In all honesty, it wasn't very hard. I've formed strong relationships with most everyone in the room, and I feel incredibly comfortable with them. So after all their stories, I felt, though mine wasn't quite as heart wrenching as some, I shouldn't have a problem opening up.
I was the last person to go that day, and Peter seemed really eager to hear what I had to say. I spoke quickly because we only had a few minutes to go, and I was as outgoing as he'd ever seen me. I told the class about my weird childhood, having no friends, although a supportive family, and how, because of that, I had a slew of issues including the need to be liked by everyone (I liken myself to a golden retriever running around to be pet...haha), fear of silences, and especially fear of sounding stupid or saying something offensive because I don't like silences and blurt out whatever comes to mind. He had me write down five qualities (six with another one that my classmate Patsy added) that were positive, and pointed out how none of those would be a reason to not be likable, and the WHOLE class chimed in with how likable I am (and Patsy even said my personality is something she would look for in a best friend!), and I was left with such an overwhelming feeling of support and acceptance that just made me float out of there. It was like hypnosis all over again. I could use these affirmations every day - I would be unbeatable. And they're absolutely right...I have an awesome personality (once I let the real me out) with many attributes including my six: Intelligence, compassion, empathy, loyalty, and competence (which I sometimes question, but I'm sure is true). I felt so good after I left, and I know I can just take on the world!
So speaking of taking on the world, I have a $2.5 million dollar house I'm going to go preview now! Have a great weekend!!
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