Out of the Comfort Zone

So today was my first mall shift duty for CB Legacy. Yes, we sell houses at the mall! For real! I manned my kiosk as professionally as I could, making eye contact with passers-by. Never having worked in retail or at the mall before, I didn't know what to expect, and I rather dreaded it. All was well and good until one person actually came up to me with questions about mortgages and the market. I answered the market questions, but I did so quite fumblingly and obviously nervous - I probably didn't sound like I had a clue, though I'm sure I knew what I was talking about. I didn't know the answer to the mortgage question, though I probably should have, but I directed him to Legacy Mortgage for answers. I am certain I turned dark red or light purple and I could feel a bead of sweat forming on my brow, which I hope he didn't see. This is way out of my comfort zone, and I don't know how it's going to work. In fact, sales is out of my comfort zone, and I just hope I can eke out a living at it this year.

On my way home, everything came to a head...emotions ran like the rain hitting my windshield. I've had a lot of negative feelings lately which seem to override the good ones you get from those affirmations. It was awful, and I wound up going home and just breaking down. It lasted for a good half hour, but after I got it all out of my system, I feel a lot better. I can't really pinpoint one thing that set me off, but it was a number of things including lack of success at what I'm doing, anger at past "friends" who obviously aren't worth a damn yet they drive me crazy anyway, anger at my whole "past," frustration with upcoming events in the next four or so years, and who really knows what else. I thought that moving out of state would release me from a lot of this, but I find that things linger. Hopefully I can work it out...